


I'm Only Joking

by FatalYaoi



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil (Movieverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: 'wife', Alcohol, EFF YOU IKEA, Humor, IKEA shots, Kinda fluff, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Roommates, S.T.A.R.S Days, Shots at IKEA, hinting at relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatalYaoi/pseuds/FatalYaoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris accidentally calls Wesker a nickname only he and Jill have kept to themselves and Wesker is not happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Only Joking

**Author's Note:**

> Awhile back, I received an anonymous request for a drabble on tumblr asking for a time in which Chris calls Wesker 'wife' so here you go! If you would like to make a request, send a message to either FatalCosplays or WhiskerFanfiction on tumblr. Enjoy!

 

Chris didn't realize he had done anything wrong until blue eyes narrowed and blond eyebrows furrowed at him. The brunet laughed somewhat awkwardly and crossed his arms over his chest in a physical defense. Albert Wesker was his roommate- nothing more. Why he had accidentally exposed an inside joke between him and Jill- he'll never know. But here he was, standing in their living room after saying such an offensive thing.

"It was just a joke, Wesker," he assured casually.

Wesker didn't respond.

Chris exchanged his weight to the opposite bare foot and awkwardly ran a mildly shaking hand through his hair. His jeans were suddenly too tight against his hips and his blue tee shirt was beginning to choke him at the sudden change in atmosphere. Chris felt Wesker's eyes on him as he looked at his feet and cleared his throat in the silent.

Wesker, on the other hand, slowly crossed his arms over his black sweatshirt and raised an eyebrow.

"A joke," the blond repeated, his deep voice gutting Chris with each syllable.

"Y-Yeah," Chris chuckled awkwardly, "Jill-"

"How does this include Miss Valentine?" Wesker asked quickly, cutting Chris off without a second thought.

"Jill and I both thought it was... funny, I guess? I mean, she isn't wrong, Wesker."

Chris may have lived with his Captain but he still couldn't address him by his first name. During the first few weeks, he tried using 'captain' but Wesker put a stop to that early on. Instead, he was simply left with Wesker and when the blond seemed to have no issue with it- the name stuck.

"She is quite wrong, actually," Wesker corrected and Chris huffed.

"You have no sense of humor," Chris sighed and took a seat on their black pleather couch. 

The living room was designed and decorated by Wesker- it was also mainly kept clean due to him, as well. The dining table was glass and positioned only several feet in front of the couch so that, without fail, Chris regularly kicked the damn thing. The wood flooring was covered in this area by a large black carpet but Chris couldn't tell you what type of material it was while Wesker would be delighted to share the information. They also didn't have a television as it was 'too modern' or something according to Wesker. Chris just kept one in his room.

To the side of the room was a small standing shelf with a picture of the STARS group and a classy vase with a few fresh flowers setting within- also Wesker's job. Behind the couch led to the dining room which led to the kitchen and both held more specially designed furniture.

The two roomies got along fairly well, if Chris was honest. The two stayed out of each other's way but could also talk and converse about certain things. Nobody ate the other's food or dirtied anything they shouldn't or broke anything that wasn't theirs. The Redfield-Wesker household was fairly calm and rarely a place of gathering for the team.

In fact, that's how this whole business started.

Chris invited Jill over for a drink and when that one drink turned into six- her mouth opened and simply wouldn't stop.

* * *

"So who exactly does what around here?" Jill asked, playfully twirling the straw within her drink.

The two were sitting next to each other on the couch but the two were facing each other. Wesker was out on a business trip or something. Chris never questioned it and he always got back late so the brunet decided to invite Jill over for the first time. Considering Chris had lived there for eight months, he felt it was overdo.

"Well, Wesker cleans and usually cooks. We buy our own food and do our own laundry, of course. I do the dishes if I see them but he usually gets to them too fast. I guess all I really do is take out the trash since his highness _'can't possibly be bothered with such trivial things_ '," Chris imitated his very best- and quite poor- Wesker impression which led to Jill cackling for a good minute.

"So," she said once she recovered, "you don't really do anything?"

"Not really. He likes having a spotless house," Chris shrugged and took a drink from his cup- water.

"This place puts IKEA to shame, Chris!" Jill cackled again and Chris began considering taking her cup.

"IKEA would be lucky to have a designer as great as our captain," Chris joked quietly.

And then Jill said it and Chris wishes more than anything she never had because otherwise Chris would have never gotten into such a sticky situation.

"It's like he's your wife!" Jill was howling with laughter and, while she may have been over enthusiastic, Chris found himself laughing, as well.

"He kinda is, huh?" Chris chuckled.

"Kinda?" Jill repeated, "He cooks, he cleans, and I'm sure he spends hours on his hair each morning."

Chris laughed and nodded, "He spends hours getting ready to go anywhere. Maybe that's why he has me take out the trash- he'd hate having to make himself look nice just to go down the hall."

Jill howled again- tossing her head back. Chris was laughing, again not as enthusiastically, but the two found common ground and continued to build on it.

* * *

Over the next couple of weeks, Jill would casually ask how 'the wife' was doing or whether 'the wife' would be home later in hushed voices at work. Chris, at some point, stopped even thinking about it and that was the nickname for their captain. Fortunately, up until this moment, the joke had remained between the two.

And then Chris had to go mumble, 'You're such a wife," when Wesker had proclaimed that he was going to clean up the dinner dishes.

"This is simply not humorous, Christopher. This is degradation and, quite appallingly, rather stereotypical, as well. You truly believe that ensuring a clean house makes me less of a man?" Wesker asked calmly.

"I-I don't think that's what Jill meant. I didn't take it that way, anyway," Chris explained softly.

"Oh?" Wesker asked, "and how do you believe the joke was meant?"

Wesker was standing in front of Chris, arms crossed and tapping his socked foot. Chris looked at him and reveled in the silence because he sure as hell did not want to answer this question.

Chris groaned and ran his palms down his face.

"She was calling us a couple," Chris finally stated.

Wesker's eyebrow raised ever higher and he simply stared. Chris stared back up at the blond until the silence was just too annoying and he finally stood coming nose to nose with Wesker.

Chris shuffled to the side.

"So the jokes you two have passed back and forth..." Wesker trailed off and his eyebrows furrowed again, "Does this not bother you, Christopher?"

"I mean, not really," Chris stated honestly, "She isn't wrong. We act like a couple, half the time, except you disappear for hours and hours and never tell me where you go besides the vague answer of 'business meetings'," Chris shrugged.

"I never considered this," Wesker muttered.

"Of course you didn't. Nobody normal would. It started because she was drunk and it _only_ started because she was drunk. She's made jokes about 'schoolboy crushes' before but it's never really stuck with her like this has."

"Schoolboy crushes?" Wesker repeated.

The words were obviously foreign on his tongue and Chris shook his head in dismission.

"Don't ask."

Chris realized the words were more of a plea.

"Do you have a _crush_ on me, Christopher?"Wesker teased lightly.

Chris huffed under his breath and crossed his arms in subconscious defense but didn't respond. Without a response to stop him, Wesker stepped forward and, with a shit eating smirk, leaned in to Chris' ear. Chris was already backed against the corner couch and couldn't move so he dug his calves harder against the couch.

"See?"Wesker whispered, "I do have a sense of humor."

The blond chuckled deeply into Chris' ear before slowly standing straight up, turning on his heel, and heading for the kitchen.

Chris groaned again.

"-and if anything, Christopher-" Wesker called from the kitchen, "You would be the wife as I would certainly top you in the bedroom."

The blush Chris had been holding off for the past twenty minutes finally overcame him and his ears grew warm along with his neck.

"Fuck," Chris mumbled under his breath.

"We can try later, if you like?" Wesker called again.

Chris would never hear the end of this.


End file.
